My therapist encouraged me to start journaling about the loved ones that I have lost in the recent years. Journaling isn’t something I’ve always done. It’s something my former therapist encouraged me to do and I’m so glad I actually listened to her about this. (I didn’t always listen. #stubborn)
Journaling never really sparked interest for me. What would I write about? I pictured me sitting at a table with a journal and a pen and writing about my thoughts and my day. How boring! And no one wants to read my thoughts most of the time! Trust me. But she encouraged me to journal somehow. She mentioned that she journals her prayers, which is also a great idea!
When I dove into journaling, fear set in. Yes, fear. I didn’t want to mess up my pages. I wanted to be creative, but it had to be perfect. Because that’s me. I try to do it all to perfection and it’s never good enough anyway. Hello reality!
Once I found how I enjoyed to journal, it really took off. One of those ways for me is to just write a word in large black sharpie, then write verses and other quotes and passages around it. My new therapist encouraged me to use that method of journaling to work through the grieving process of the people I lost over a short period of time. I started with my sweet Granny.
She was my light. I was her favorite and we just had a bond like no other. I thought journaling about her would be difficult, but it wasn’t. I even included a picture that I took of a rose in her rose garden. I wrote out her favorite scripture – Psalm 23 – and wrote more words about who she was.
Next, I was encouraged to journal about the babies I miscarried. In the same year, only a few months apart. I never grieved those losses. I don’t even think I knew how to grieve or what to feel over losing a baby through miscarriage. This one is hard. I don’t know what to write! Journaling has definitely become therapeutic for me. I don’t do it daily, although I should. And I don’t beat myself up or quit when I go a week without even opening my journal. It doesn’t have to be perfect, is what I’m learning, although the struggle is still real. I’m learning that I do enjoy journaling my prayers. I’m looking forward to being able to go back after a few years and read my prayers so I can see where I was and how far I’ve come. I want to encourage you to journal. Whatever that looks like. It’ll be different for everyone.